Talk openly about money with your partner? Important it is, yes, but vulnerable too. Because those prejudices, they are there. Lieke Danenberg (39), co-founder of Elfin, made a bucket list with her husband, which turned out to be the starting point for a healthy money relationship. “We never argue about money again.”
- Married, two children, lives in North Holland
- Open about finances with her husband
- Traveling far with the kids
Bucket list as a starting point
‘”If we are very frugal now, invest everything and stop going on vacation, then when we are 50 we can retire.” It felt as if by discovering the FIRE movement I had reinvented the wheel, but my husband Wieger said very clearly: I don’t feel like doing that. That was the moment we started talking openly about money.
‘Our starting point was our bucket list. And so not necessarily money. We started dreaming about what we would like to do if money didn’t matter. Traveling together with the children, soon emerged. And I really wanted to get married. Then the question is: what should you do for that and what should you leave for that? We turn our dreams into money by creating a financial plan. And if it proved unrealistic, we went back to the drawing board. Just until we were satisfied with our bucket list – and the financial steps that went along with it.’
Ook jouw dromen en doelen van essentiële zuurstof (geld) voorzien?
Maar weet je niet goed waar te beginnen en welke eerste stap te zetten om goed met geld te worden? Meld je gratis aan bij Elfin en krijg direct de eerste stappen van ons die jij kunt zetten. Makkelijk te volgen, geen moeilijke taal en voor vrouwen met weinig tijd.
House in ex’s name
‘I see that in many families finances are a one man show. I know a story of a woman who got divorced and then found out that the house was in her ex-husband’s name. So then you are literally on the street. You don’t have to bicker together over every penny, but that there is openness and transparency is essential. I am largely responsible for administration and financial planning, also because I just like it. Wieger has faith in me, but there’s nothing he doesn’t know.’
Pocket Money
‘We also try to take the children into the world of money. They get pocket money, cash, so they know exactly how much they have. They have three pots, one for now, for something big and for later. They can decide how to allocate their money among those three pots, but there must be something in each pot. On the pot for later they get interest. We also explain to them how that works. This is how we teach them to save and think about the long term. We also invest for them so that we can later contribute to their studies. Sometimes they do get tired of us, haha, when my husband and I start talking about money again.
Rich people are unkind
‘Actually, Wieger and I never argue about money anymore. That’s because we are always open about it. Talking about money can be complicated because there are many preconceptions involved. Why do you spend so much money on gadgets? Why don’t you dare invest? Money is a loaded subject, but you should always try to understand each other. When you build a life together, money is part of it. Be honest with each other, then you will build trust. Wieger could still sometimes comment on my shoe addiction, but by now we have accepted from each other that we sometimes spend that the other does not understand. How you handle money is often shaped in your childhood. In my home, rich people were unkind and stingy, because how else do you get rich? I now know, after working on that for years, that money is your ticket to your dream life.
Ook jouw dromen en doelen van essentiële zuurstof (geld) voorzien?
Maar weet je niet goed waar te beginnen en welke eerste stap te zetten om goed met geld te worden? Meld je gratis aan bij Elfin en krijg direct de eerste stappen van ons die jij kunt zetten. Makkelijk te volgen, geen moeilijke taal en voor vrouwen met weinig tijd.
