Written by Kiki Bakker.
Like a rat in a mill, you run like hell. From annual plan to annual plan, without changing anything. From meeting to meeting, where everyone just checks email and contributes nothing more. You once dreamed of working at this organization or this type of position. Of reaching the top, with all your ambition. Of being an example to your children and the daughters of others. A woman can be and-and you thought.
The more balls you try to keep in the air, the more often you doubt. Maybe you’ve experienced burnout before, and you know: never do that again. As for the question of how to do it, you have no answer for a while. Is quitting your job really the only way to get rid of those daily pressures? It’s not, and I’m happy to share that with you. In this blog you will find tips on how to deal with stress, and still keep your ambitious job.
You can both keep your job and still get out of the rat race.
Sometimes you lose sight of what you liked about your work. You know, your purpose, that what drives you to do this. If you lose that feeling, you’re prone to all those side issues, like meetings, phone calls and emails at times when Netflix is really much more fun. When you can no longer say no because you no longer know what you are saying yes to, invisibly the pressure grows on your shoulders. You do feel that “something is not right,” and others see it in your behavior.
You quickly change from the fun one to the project manager without too much flexibility due to stress. The least fun version of yourself, if you could label it yourself.
Did you know that stress can give you tremendous (physical) symptoms?
Stress at work is occupational disease No. 1. This costs employers and the government tons of money. The greatest danger cannot be expressed in monetary terms. That is because your life will be turned upside down.
Among men, stress has one cause, with work being the most frequently mentioned. In women, stress comes precisely because of the and-and in their day. In fact, 1 in 4 working mothers experiences stress every day. Then, as a flexible project manager, you keep all those balls in the air, but lie upside down with misery yourself.
What stress does, if you don’t see it (or: the danger of stress)
Stress is invisible in your body until it becomes visible.
Just like a sports injury where you put great pressure on your body for as long as it goes, until suddenly it doesn’t, stress builds up invisibly in your body at first.
Later, irreversible symptoms such as diabetes, cardiovascular problems, autoimmune diseases, headaches and more then develop. Stress also leads to faster aging, insomnia and a reduction in self-control. You think in times of stress: let me make exercise, healthier eating and so on a new habit. Stress thinks: let me thwart your self-control so you won’t maintain that new behavior at all.
If you carry on, the consequences are incalculable. While it was foreseeable. Your body lets you know much earlier that you need to push the pause button, but then you have to listen and act on it. 85% of women who experienced long-term burnout reported that they considered themselves responsible for preventing burnout. That means they were in their own world, trying to solve their own problems. Invisible, until it became visible.
It really can be different
I don’t want to scare you with this blog, quite the contrary. You in particular can do something about regulating stress in your daily life. After all, you don’t have to quit your job for that. I believe we really can do things differently. Not just at work, but in everything you do.
It starts with (h)recognizing the stress signals that are happening to you. It’s different for everyone. Being in touch with your body sounds soft, but it is desperately needed. You don’t have to smell incense in harem pants for this. There are simple breathing exercises that also bring the sober you back to your body.
Simple tips not to follow especially blindly
A few simple tips to help you observe your stress levels daily or work in a different way. Simple, but not necessarily easy. After all, it’s not just about doing it, but to keep doing it in times of pressure.
- Place a small reminder in your daily utensils that allows you to remind yourself in many ways to stop and take 1 deep breath. For example, one of my clients keeps finding a little unicorn sticker on her keychain, car mirror or in a kitchen drawer telling her she can take a break.
- Slow down your yeses. Thank you for the question, and say you’re thinking about it for a while. If someone doesn’t accept that, say no – bet they’ll make you think about it for a while. By slowing down your yes, you can get a better sense of whether this is a choice for you. If the choice is not for you, you then have time to clearly formulate your answer as well as think about an alternative.
- You can do anything, I really believe that. But not at the same time. Just as you cannot spread a sandwich and tie laces at the same time. Similarly, you cannot lead a new project while in the middle of a remodel. Start dealing differently with your choices over time. Do things one after the other.
- Don’t blindly follow my tips or anyone else’s. Take the time to find out what works for you. Some benefit from daily meditation, while others prefer to dive into nature. Yes, there is a lot of knowledge and science available on what is good for us. But you may make this personal, experiment with it. Take your time before you make rules for yourself about what you need to sustain from yourself.
Saying yes
Even if you embed all of your randoms in your life, you may still experience a lack of happiness or peace. This is because it is also about your perception: how you experience situations. About your coping mechanism: how you handle stressful situations. For example, one who feels able to cope with her problems suffers less stress, which allows her to cope with those problems.
Those who experience less stress can choose clearly. Delight in saying “yes” to those things that suit you, and “no” to that which you are perfectly capable of outsourcing. Or just not-doing it. Did you know that is a solution for some activities? We dare not do that because we can no longer choose clearly. And so a little stress, becomes more and more stress, until we wake up at night feeling like we can’t take it anymore.
Rest is not a to-do on your list
Regulating stress starts with your own foundation. At your self-esteem. If you think you are not good enough, you will always work too hard. Then you will always do your best to be liked, to prove yourself worthy. Those bigger pitfalls are often hidden beneath your own stress reactions.
At the same time, we try to solve that with 33-tips lists. Because we think rules are helpful. Not working after 8 p.m., for example, or having to meditate every day. Just that doesn’t work. It gives you an extra to-do, where you would actually benefit from less having to. Rest is not a to-do you can tick off. Rest is the absence of to-do’s, the letting go of having to.
The every day on vacation feeling
If you work from relaxation, you can handle a higher workload. You also often find that workload too crazy. That thrill of new projects. The thrill of meeting an impossible deadline.
Healthy stress can also give you a healthy boost. You get energy from it. Unhealthy stress, on the other hand, builds up under the skin in your body. This leads to significant complaints, which often become visible too late.
It is an illusion that quitting your job means never having stress again. Even in a handstand on a tropical island, you will eventually experience restlessness in your mind and body. It is not complicated for many of my clients to unwind on vacation, the challenge is to bring that rest into each day, and in the long run, embed it into daily work and life. That’s something you can learn.
But then again, where do you start?
If I could have given you only one tip, this blog would have been a lot shorter. Since you read through to the end, you are tenacious. Then you really want to get out of that rat race, and off your stress. So the one all-important tip that works for everyone? you do you. Unfollow someone else’s dream life, and step with both feet into your own. The more you manage to throw off the unhealthy daily stress, the closer you will get back to your own happiness. It’s your life, your body, your stress level. You do you.
Put it on.
Learn more about Kiki Bakker and what she can do for you here!
