Written by Wies Bratby, founder women in negotiation.
Think back for a moment to when you got your first job. Did you negotiate your salary at the time? Or were you grateful for the opportunity you were given and signed immediately, as I did myself?
Should you also have chosen the latter option: you’re not alone. 93% of women do not negotiate her salary. Let me repeat that: ninety-three percent of women do not negotiate when offered a job.
And that has far-reaching consequences.
You leave money lying around
Because you leave a lot of money on the table if you don’t negotiate the first salary. And all the more so if you also fail to take advantage of the subsequent annual performance reviews for a serious raise instead of just the inflation adjustment or some other paltry perk. Or that you let the discussion around salary sit when you get promoted because no one brings it up.
“I’m going to prove myself first and then the appreciation will come naturally,” you may think or have thought. And, “What does it matter, it’s only a few tens or hundreds of euros a month. It’s not worth it”
Nothing could be further from the truth, however.
Because of the magic of compound interest, we have it – for most women in the Western world in corporate roles over the course of their careers – to spend sums between hundreds of thousands to millions of…
What would you do with that money? And how much would this money grow in wealth if you invest it as you learn through Elfin?
And you leave a lot more than just money on the table if you continue to avoid these kinds of conversations about money in the workplace. If you don’t proactively discuss with your boss the projects, promotions and work arrangements you want, your career as a whole will stagnate. Despite your undoubtedly good work results, others (cough *the boys* cough) will then run off with the promotions and opportunities that actually belong to you.
Not because they are better at their jobs, but simply because they demand it.
But then why don’t we negotiate? If so much is at stake, why would we still rather go to the dentist than have these kinds of conversations, as a recent study found?
Thinking of the other
The reasons are interrelated and quite complicated, but in essence it comes down to the fact that as women we are raised differently than boys. Above all, we must think of others and color between the lines. In this way, we get little experience of standing up for ourselves and communicating our ambitions. This raises the barrier to standing up for our rewards, ambitions and desires. We shy away from negotiating, which prevents us from gaining experience. And thus we end up in a vicious circle. A circle of significantly less wealth and retirement as the end result. All the while, we are living longer than men and therefore need more money.
Arrogant
Moreover: if we already take the bold step and start the conversation, often the response from the outside world is not at all positive. What is called “self-confidence” in a man is called “arrogant” in a woman, and where a man is attributed “leadership qualities,” a woman is “bitchy” when she speaks out clearly about her ambitions and desires.
In short: that figure of 93% women not wanting to negotiate is quite understandable. But as mentioned, that is a huge shame. Because when we leave the direction of our career path to others, we are really missing out on opportunities, money and most importantly: (work) happiness.
What to do.
Negotiate!
Here are three tips to get started in advance. Above all, become a member at Elfin to learn more about salary negotiation.
- A practiced man counts for two, or whatever the expression may be. EXPERIENCE! Don’t expect your first negotiation to be an unqualified success without having trained first. So ask your partner, a friend or a colleague you trust and practice the conversation until you feel comfortable.
- Bring the data, not the drama. Possibly my favorite mantra. If you want to negotiate your salary, don’t come up with arguments irrelevant to your boss like “My rent went up” or “I heard that the niece of my neighbor’s grandfather earns more than I do.” Do quantitative (online) and qualitative (headhunters, in-house recruiters, friends, etc.) research and know what someone with your work experience, in your kind of job in your kind of organization, should earn.
- Come up with the first offer yourself, don’t wait for the other person. Tell clearly why and THAT you deserve a certain amount of money. Do not use a range – just mention an amount, okay? And make sure you get nauseous when you mention it, then you’re about right
Check out Women In Negotiation for help with your salary negotiation!
