Money is the absolute number one issue when it comes to arguments in relationships. It matters little in this case whether it is among friends, family or partners. Elfin tells the stories because they are about so much more than just any amount of money. In doing so, we hope to share lessons you can draw strength from or that will prevent you from ending up in the same situation. This time: Leonie (30) from Schoonhoven lent 2,500 euros to her best friend Vivian. “I did it out of kindness, but if I had known this I never would have done it.”
Chalk
“‘Then I’ll sell everything and you take what I have left,’ was one of the last messages she sent me. I have since had to borrow money myself from my parents for my new house. It took a year and a half for me to finally get a house and now almost half of my savings were in a loan to her. I had to hold up my hand for furniture because everything was already in the house. Even though I was paying for my own studies, because I don’t like being indebted to anyone. I feel so fooled.”
Tight on cash
“Vivian was a breath of fresh air at the office where I came to work. The rest of our colleagues were a bit older, so we found each other pretty quickly. We clicked not only during working hours but also outside, so we hung out more and more after office hours. We went to parties, went out to dinner or had drinks together after a long day. I did notice that she made me pay easily, but I didn’t look for much behind that at the time. In retrospect, there were so many red flags.”
Evicted
“Suddenly she called me in a panic. There was trouble with her landlord and she had to pay 400 euros immediately. I had a well-filled savings account of a few thousand euros and that was just sitting there, I could do without that for a while. I saw no harm in it. The agreement was that she would pay me back in parts. It was a vague agreement, but I had faith that it would work out. Two weeks later she knocked on my door again; her problems turned out to be much bigger. That was a clear signal, but I wanted to help her. She was also there for me day and night when it broke up with my ex. That’s what girlfriends are for.”
Only excuses
“The landlord evicted Vivian immediately. She herself had no reserves or parents who had money enough to front it. If I didn’t help her, she couldn’t pay the deposit for the new apartment and was without a home. I transferred another 2,100 euros to her. With full confidence that it was fine and I would get everything back. After a month I asked for an installment for the first time. She earned enough, even more than me, so it should be easy. Meanwhile, on Instagram, I saw her eating out and having drinks with friends more and more often. If you have money for that, then transferring 100 euros once a month should do the trick. But nothing came, except excuses, excuses and more excuses.”
Opportunity lost
“I have asked her for the money so many times by now and she has come up with so many lies. Vivian is a master of manipulation, I know that ugly side of her by now. When I ask where her installment is, she either forgets or she is embroiled in yet another lawsuit. Two months ago she called to say how sorry she is. Our friendship shouldn’t be damaged by this, she said. Meanwhile, she is in debt settlement and has a plan to pay it all off. I just don’t know what’s right anymore. The woman who helps her and would contact me has yet to call me to this day.”
“Another friend also gets money from her, but I don’t know the details of that. Except that she too is in the installment plan. I no longer need Vivian as a friend, she has lost that chance, but I just want the 2,500 euros back. My mother even suggested that I should put a lawyer on it. My parents are terribly angry with her, but thankfully support me. I also have no idea what I am entitled to, for now I will keep trying. Hoping to eventually get back small bits a month.”
Leonie and Vivian’s names are fictitious for privacy reasons.
